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 The Official Joke thread!

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The Official Joke thread! Empty
PostSubject: The Joke a thon thread    The Official Joke thread! EmptyFri 20 Aug 2010, 11:51 pm

Got some funny ass jokes?.Then put some fuckin jokes in here!!.

I'll start it off
If 2 rapper's who dont eat meat and dont like each other do they still have beef?
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The Sexy Vixen
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The Sexy Vixen


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Registration date : 2009-03-23

The Official Joke thread! Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptySat 21 Aug 2010, 12:11 am

that is so lame it's funny

Here's 2:
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer were sent for.

Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes"

"What? He had two assholes! said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes Everytime we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two assholes”



this one isnt really a joke it's just kinda funny:

Don't you just love............

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where
my watch is pal, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I
ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room
for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
channel manually.

3. When people say, "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
That’s right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this?
Who and where are they? (The asylum is my guess)

5. When something is 'new and improved!’ Which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there
must have been something before it.

6. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?".
Yes, the bus has come. That's why I'm standing here waiting for it

7. People who say things like 'my eyes aren't what they used to be. So
what did they used to be? Ears, gum, boot?

8.When your eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's
really revolting, I always eat stuff I hate.

9. People who announce they are going to the toilet.
Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

10. When you're involved in an accident and someone asks 'Are you alright?’
Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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Paul Wyatt
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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptySun 22 Aug 2010, 10:44 am

LMFAO @ the 2 assholes joke.
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The Sexy Vixen
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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptyMon 23 Aug 2010, 2:42 am

A husband returned earlier from a business trip and he wanted to surprise his wife. The wife was, of course, in the bed with the neighbor - Peter. As she heard her husband coming home she told Peter to hide in the wardrobe. She lied down on the floor, pretending she had a heart attack. Her husband came in and saw his wife on the floor. He was very alarmed! At that moment his little kid came in saying: “Daddy, daddy! Peter is hiding in the wardrobe!”
The man went to the wardrobe and shouted: “You nerd! Instead helping me with my sick wife, you're playing hide-and-seek with the kid!”


hehe
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Number of posts : 7477
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Favorite WWE Wrestler : Roman Reigns
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Alicia Fox


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The Official Joke thread! Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptyMon 23 Aug 2010, 11:42 am

LOL sexy vixen where are you gettin these jokes from?
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KTV-Time
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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptyMon 23 Aug 2010, 11:48 am

Painting the Porch

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

The Bet

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
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KTV-Time
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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptyMon 23 Aug 2010, 11:54 am

This one is an actual true story. My two cousins Kyla and Leerock were craving some food late at night. Usually at night they have these little snack bar places next to the open road. My cousin Leerock comes out and asks Kyla,

"So what do you want"

Kyla: I'll just have a hamburger

Leerock walks up to the place and asks the dude.

Leerock: Can I have two burgers please.

Dude: Sorry man, we are all out of burgers.

So Leerock, screams at Kyla, who was still in the car.

Leerock: "Kyla, they are out of hamburgers"

And to everyones surprise who was sitting there, Kyla had this to say.

Kyla: Oh ok, well then can i have a cheese burger

Leerock just stood there looking at her and he was like dont

We tell Kyla everytime, we are 100% sure she's Blond :p
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Princess Keri
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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptyMon 23 Aug 2010, 12:20 pm

"If the world is so popular, why are people dying to be buried?"
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The Sexy Vixen
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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptyMon 23 Aug 2010, 12:54 pm

written on a bathroom wall:

those who write on bathroom stalls
roll their shit in little balls
Those who read these words of wit
eat those little balls of shit


and..

here i sit, brokenhearted
paid a dime and only farted
next time i'll take a chance
save my dime and shit my pants


also..

here I sit in a stinky vapor
because some bastard stole the toilet paper
shall I lie or shall I linger?
or shall I be forced to use my finger?



DrizzyDrakeFan wrote:
LOL sexy vixen where are you gettin these jokes from?

spicyjokes.com

love that site
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Paul Wyatt
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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptyMon 23 Aug 2010, 1:42 pm

ROFL Kev at the last one.
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Mia
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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptyTue 24 Aug 2010, 1:54 am

lol at the true story and the cheating wife one.
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Princess Keri
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PostSubject: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptySat 20 Nov 2010, 4:44 pm

Post any and all jokes you come across in here!


Why is 77 better than 69?

Spoiler:
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The Sexy Vixen
Billion Dolla Princess
Billion Dolla Princess
The Sexy Vixen


Female
Number of posts : 28940
Age : 36
Location : The Negaverse, OH
Job/hobbies : Daycare. I adore children.
Favorite WWE Wrestler : Triple H, Orton, MVP, John Morrison, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, Yoshi Tatsu, Zack Ryder
Favorite WWE Diva : Stephanie McMahon, Maryse, Mickie James, Layla, Natalya, Beth, Michelle McCool, Katie Lea, Kelly Kelly, Nikki Bella, Rosa Mendes (Victoria and Lita are my all-time faves)
Favorite TNA Wrestler : Jeff Jarrett, D'Angelo Dinero, MCMG, James Storm, AJ Styles, Amazing Red, Kiyoshi, Matt Morgan, Hernandez, Samoa Joe, Desmond Wolfe, Jeff Hardy, Kevin Nash
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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptySat 20 Nov 2010, 5:22 pm

merged with DL's thread.


whats black and white and red all over?


Spoiler:
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Princess Keri
Kear Bear <3
Kear Bear
Princess Keri


Female
Number of posts : 12559
Age : 35
Location : Ohio
Favorite WWE Wrestler : Kofi Kingston, Christian, Cody Rhodes, Evan Bourne, John Cena, MVP, Ted Dibiase, and John Morrison.
Favorite WWE Diva : Gail Kim
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Favorite TNA Knockout : Taylor Wilde, Sarita
Registration date : 2009-07-18

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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptySat 20 Nov 2010, 5:39 pm

Oops Im sorry Vix I did not see this thread.
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The Sexy Vixen
Billion Dolla Princess
Billion Dolla Princess
The Sexy Vixen


Female
Number of posts : 28940
Age : 36
Location : The Negaverse, OH
Job/hobbies : Daycare. I adore children.
Favorite WWE Wrestler : Triple H, Orton, MVP, John Morrison, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, Yoshi Tatsu, Zack Ryder
Favorite WWE Diva : Stephanie McMahon, Maryse, Mickie James, Layla, Natalya, Beth, Michelle McCool, Katie Lea, Kelly Kelly, Nikki Bella, Rosa Mendes (Victoria and Lita are my all-time faves)
Favorite TNA Wrestler : Jeff Jarrett, D'Angelo Dinero, MCMG, James Storm, AJ Styles, Amazing Red, Kiyoshi, Matt Morgan, Hernandez, Samoa Joe, Desmond Wolfe, Jeff Hardy, Kevin Nash
Favorite TNA Knockout : ODB, Christy Hemme, Jacqueline, Tara, Hamada, Daffney, Lacey Von Erich,
Registration date : 2009-03-23

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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptySat 20 Nov 2010, 5:41 pm

no biggie...smile

my daughter told me this one:

why did the chicken cross the playground?

Spoiler:
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Paul Wyatt
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Paul Wyatt


Male
Number of posts : 18569
Age : 37
Location : Inside of my own mind
Job/hobbies : Self-Improving
Favorite WWE Wrestler : Antonio Cesaro
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Favorite WWE Diva : Naomi
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Favorite TNA Wrestler : Austin Aries
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Registration date : 2008-07-31

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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptySat 20 Nov 2010, 7:45 pm

lol silly.
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KTV-Time
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KTV-Time


Male
Number of posts : 14546
Age : 35
Location : The Netherlands, Europe
Favorite WWE Wrestler : Dolph Ziggler
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Favorite WWE Diva : Beth Phoenix
Natalya
Maryse
Alicia Fox
Eve Torres

Favorite TNA Wrestler : AJ Styles
Kaz
Amazing Red
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Daniels
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Orlando Jordan's Boy Toy
Favorite TNA Knockout : Sarita
Angelina Love
Taylor Wilde
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Registration date : 2009-06-13

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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptySun 21 Nov 2010, 10:45 pm

why do women rub their eyes in the morning-----because they don't have balls to scratch!
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Paul Wyatt
NCD aka Name Changing Dude
NCD aka Name Changing Dude
Paul Wyatt


Male
Number of posts : 18569
Age : 37
Location : Inside of my own mind
Job/hobbies : Self-Improving
Favorite WWE Wrestler : Antonio Cesaro
Bray Wyatt
Daniel Bryan
Dolph Ziggler
Sheamus
The Shield
The Usos
Wade Barrett
Favorite WWE Diva : Naomi
Natalya
Favorite TNA Wrestler : Austin Aries
Bobby Roode
Bully Ray
Eric Young
James Storm
Registration date : 2008-07-31

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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptyMon 22 Nov 2010, 2:26 am

LOL wtf
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KTV-Time
WD Stalker
KTV-Time


Male
Number of posts : 14546
Age : 35
Location : The Netherlands, Europe
Favorite WWE Wrestler : Dolph Ziggler
Tyson Kidd
Richie Steamboat
Brett & Ted Dibiasi
John Morrison
Heath Slater
Daniel Bryan
Justin Gabriel
Favorite WWE Diva : Beth Phoenix
Natalya
Maryse
Alicia Fox
Eve Torres

Favorite TNA Wrestler : AJ Styles
Kaz
Amazing Red
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Alex Shelly
Daniels
Eric Young
Orlando Jordan's Boy Toy
Favorite TNA Knockout : Sarita
Angelina Love
Taylor Wilde
Santana G.

Registration date : 2009-06-13

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PostSubject: Re: The Official Joke thread!   The Official Joke thread! EmptyMon 22 Nov 2010, 1:56 pm

This is a dutch poem about men vs. Women, I’ll try to translate but it won’t have the same rhyming effect like the dutch one.