Guess I just needed a way to get this out.
I came to the realization that maybe I’m maybe not the most likeable person. I currently have nobody in my life whom I feel I can just talk too or well wants to talk to me. The one person I do talk too all day, I’m always arguing with because we can both be stubborn so that causes conflicts between the two of us a lot, but in person it’s much more civil, well there is just a chemistry that works but regardless we’ve reached moments where we just couldn’t talk to each other or that he isn’t there and I quickly realize there isn’t anyone I can talk too.
Okay sure, I’ll get the “You can talk to me” but I’m over that, I’m tired of constantly being the person to start a conversation, tired of being the one to always be the one instigating the conversation and feel like I’m bothering someone.
I can’t honestly remember the last time anyone has started a conversation with me on FB, or on Skype or anywhere, I seriously can’t remember the last time that has happened, and if it has happened, it was usually because they wanted something from me, they wanted me to do something for them or wanted me to join something for them, it’s never for the simple reason of just saying hello and just have a conversation about anything and everything.
If I’m not at school, or out doing something with a friend, I’m home, I live alone and at times it could really get lonely, my family live in completely other continents so when I do feel that boredom, I call home.
But as the time passes by, I’m slowly realizing, I might just be the problem, I probably just don’t know anymore, I have no life, that’s true, most nigts after 6/7 PM I’m home, alone with nothing much to do. Either watching Series or writing because well I don’t know.
People I was once close to, it’s just not the same anymore and we just don’t talk anymore, or I get the feeling they are just all pushing me out of their lives or I don’t know. I just feel I sometimes just take a second of my life to wonder how someone is doing, while I feel nobody would take a second of theirs to just ask me how I’m doing. I get it, we get busy, we all do, Vix would know I do (sorry about that again) but 5 seconds of a month would even be appreciated, it’s just crazy to realize that if a Friday I drop dead, nobody will notice anything until school calls Monday and wonder why I didn’t show up to class, even so they would think I just ignored the phone call, I dunno, maybe I’m over thinking it, maybe it’s just me being paranoid I guess, I don’t know, just needed to vent I guess.
Oh well, thank you for your time.
