Guess I just needed a way to get this out.
I came to the realization that maybe Iím maybe not the most likeable person. I currently have nobody in my life whom I feel I can just talk too or well wants to talk to me. The one person I do talk too all day, Iím always arguing with because we can both be stubborn so that causes conflicts between the two of us a lot, but in person itís much more civil, well there is just a chemistry that works but regardless weíve reached moments where we just couldnít talk to each other or that he isnít there and I quickly realize there isnít anyone I can talk too.
Okay sure, Iíll get the ďYou can talk to meĒ but Iím over that, Iím tired of constantly being the person to start a conversation, tired of being the one to always be the one instigating the conversation and feel like Iím bothering someone.
I canít honestly remember the last time anyone has started a conversation with me on FB, or on Skype or anywhere, I seriously canít remember the last time that has happened, and if it has happened, it was usually because they wanted something from me, they wanted me to do something for them or wanted me to join something for them, itís never for the simple reason of just saying hello and just have a conversation about anything and everything.
If Iím not at school, or out doing something with a friend, Iím home, I live alone and at times it could really get lonely, my family live in completely other continents so when I do feel that boredom, I call home.
But as the time passes by, Iím slowly realizing, I might just be the problem, I probably just donít know anymore, I have no life, thatís true, most nigts after 6/7 PM Iím home, alone with nothing much to do. Either watching Series or writing because well I donít know.
People I was once close to, itís just not the same anymore and we just donít talk anymore, or I get the feeling they are just all pushing me out of their lives or I donít know. I just feel I sometimes just take a second of my life to wonder how someone is doing, while I feel nobody would take a second of theirs to just ask me how Iím doing. I get it, we get busy, we all do, Vix would know I do (sorry about that again) but 5 seconds of a month would even be appreciated, itís just crazy to realize that if a Friday I drop dead, nobody will notice anything until school calls Monday and wonder why I didnít show up to class, even so they would think I just ignored the phone call, I dunno, maybe Iím over thinking it, maybe itís just me being paranoid I guess, I donít know, just needed to vent I guess.
Oh well, thank you for your time.