....you find yourself typing on your Wii U at 2:38 in the morning lol. Im not very open about my personal life unless i know you a good bit and i feel i know everyone on here enough to rant.
Life is a constant struggle. There are ups, there are downs, and it never gets any easier, especially when it comes to a female. I'm going to admit right now, i'm not a ladies man. I don't brag about the kind of car i have, i don't brag about the kind of job i have, or how much my income is at said job...if you ask me then i'll be glad to answer your questions, lol. I simply do not have the best of luck. Some of my closest friends say i'm one of the nicest people you will ever meet, and some say i wear my heart on my sleeve. But as nice as i am, it somehow gets me nowhere.
I've seen the old saying countless times, that if you want something, you go and fight for it, no matter what the cost. But what really is the cost? What is it that you deem worthy enough of your time to go and fight for? I've been in this situation before. It's like deja-vu all over again. Just last year, i found myself on the receiving end of outright sadness, after putting all the effort and energy i could into someone. For those who know me, i hardly put any energy into anything unless i feel it's what i want to go after. I'm not going to go into great detail, but let's just say i spent most of my time hanging with one chick, or trying to, and busting my ass off in the process. Twice. It didn't work so i said to myself i didn't need this and cut off communication. Best for business.
Fast forward to this year. A woman i've known since i graduated high school way back in 2003 isn't with anyone, but just recently went through a breakup to someone she was engaged to. I thought to myself, "hmm, i'm going to be nice, and see where it gets me, nothing too strong, nothing too pushy." At first i thought it was working, although she said she wasn't looking for anything. I respected her decision, while i was being myself. You know, the part of yourself that wants to make someone smile for THOSE reasons. Got to hangout on several occasions, even got a cuddle or two in. I thought i was working my way into the fold. Saying all the right things, but keeping it to a minimum.
I had realized that i was back to doing what i was doing before, putting effort into something that i was thinking i may have a chance at. Until the summer. An argument had occured. Where i expressed my feelings in all the wrong ways. Now, i've made my fair share of mistakes and i own up to them, don't get me wrong. I apologized for going too far and it was business as usual. Then she proceeded to tell me she was interested in someone else. So pretty much, i'm busting my ass for someone, taking off work when i couldn't afford to, to meet her work schedule and pushing her to the top of the list in terms of hangouts when she's trying to talk to someone else. Fast forward to a few months ago. Communication was dropped due to cell phones being shitty and it picked back up the week before Thanksgiving.
I figured to myself...why not? What can go wrong? Everyone deserves a 2nd chance right? I started being my usual self again, using what time i had to interact with her. Following a music show where she completely blew me off to go hang with another dude after she begged me to ride with her to the show and swore shed hang with me all night, we put that aside and it went back to normal...or so i thought. I was being nice one day, she accepted it...then decided to tell me it was friends only. Frustrated with giving it my all, i lost it, she got pissed. We were supposed to talk about things, and it hasnt happened yet. The worst part of this story? The girl lives right behind my house.
I'm just sitting here and asking myself what am i doing wrong. It honestly takes a major toll on you physically and emotionally when you bust your ass for someone and in the end they didnt appreciate it to begin with. If you read all of this, then i thank you. If not, then it wont bother me any. I just needed to rant. This is where i take my semi-hiatus to clear my head. This time i need it. I just figured id explain what's going on, and why everything here is not on my mind. I wont abandon the site and the members that stuck around. When i come back, im giving it one last effort to get this place booming. But i need your help while im gone. The Twitter i made, i want to see it active. I'll be checking in every once in a while to see how things are going. But i will be back.
If anyone wants to get ahold of me, you can find me on Skype at Ravensguy10, that's where i am most of the time. I'm also at Twitter.com/RavensMike or if you're feeling cool, Twitter.com/arcofwrestling.